To some, I am the life of the party: not afraid to work the dance floor. To some, I am the dream plan chaser, never giving up despite all obstacles. To some, I am the person not afraid to rock a trench coat in the 90 degree weather of Florida rocking all black with a walk of confidence and class. To some, I am the funny kid who is witty and always has a joke or a comeback that will either lighten the mood, or turn into a roast session that we will reminisce on for the years to come. To some, I am the person who is inspirational, always giving my knowledge, time and what I have. To some, I always have the right words to say to help them through any situation.
But behind the confident, inspirational, dream plan chasing, life of the party kid, I am fighting an invisible battle. A battle no one can see. I am fighting depression. So yes, I am the life of the party that day, but I will go home and sleep for hours on end to recover from the draining feeling of social interaction. Yes, I chase my dreams plans and work hard to progress in my sport, but I will fall off the training wagon because the thing I love the most is the thing I hate at times. Yes, I’ll rock a trench coat and treat the sidewalk like it’s my runway, but I promise you, at home, you will find me rocking sweatpants, and laying in bed trying to find the inspiration to just get up. Yes, I am the kid who is witty and can always generate a comeback, but that comes from years and years of getting bullied and always having nothing to say: years of being forced into silence any time someone made a joke. Yes I am inspirational, but I tend to give all I have to others because I still can’t crack the code on how to give to myself.
I want you guys to know these things not only to help those who look up to me, but also so you can know the real me. The real Sidney: who is no different than anyone else wanting to chase their dream plan and their mind is telling them it isn’t worth it when their heart says run. To anyone who finds it a struggle to wake up and take on the day and knock their goals out. To anyone who feels like they are losing control of everything around them.
I tell you these things because I want to be your mirror. Even when you are battling something completely out of your control, never give up, just as I haven’t. Never stop fighting for what your heart truly desires even when your brain is sending you mixed signals. You will lose interest, that always happens, but always get back up and pick up where you left off.
I am just like you friend, and if I can do it, then you can too.
Keep Climbing,
Sid.
