It’s been a year since I’ve flown a plane. I never thought I’d ever go this long without flying. I would hear the kids on campus talk about how they had their pilots license, and how it had been so long since they had flown, thinking I’d never be one of those people.
But here I am. I sat thinking the other night: “why? Why haven’t you gotten back into the cockpit? It’s not that hard. All you have to do is go to an airport, and do a refresher flight.”
It was at that moment that I accepted the one thing I never wanted to think: I’ve fallen out of love with Aviation. But it’s not a divorce situation, it’s a we’re not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again situation.
Before healing can begin, you must figure out why the problem is there in the first place. How on earth could I hate Aviation? I thought hard, and It honestly came back down to the struggle. Any time I think about flying, I think about not having enough money to do so. Just how hard it was to actually finish up and get my license because of money at the time.
I get visuals of sitting in the Bursars department stressing because I just need an extra grand to finish up, and I have no idea how I’m going to make it. I get visuals of all the bad flights: all the anger and frustration when you just can’t get a maneuver right. The shame when you feel like you’ve disappointed your flight instructor who you admire so much. We’ve all been there in some form right (even if it’s outside of flying).
It’s crazy to me that I feel this way though because I did make it. I should be happy that I accomplished my dream. However, at the same time, I think it burned me out. I think getting my wings, in a sense broke my wings.
I’ve come to the conclusion that things in my life aren’t the same as they were then. I’m a different person with a different drive. It was the same thing when I got back on the Diving board: sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, and realize things will be different.
Look out world, once again, my heart has been cleared for take off.
Inspirational song of the week: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTOFEgJ9zzI
